Life brings us all different types of experiences. Happy, sad, angry, ones in humility, empathy and more. They are profoundly different perspectives of the world, as if you had put different glasses with which to see it.
But there is a set of “glasses”, that are more valuable, more “expensive” than any other and those are the ones we forcefully put on when someone that we truly love and care for leaves us for good.
That is a unique moment, a unique perspective. The first time it happens is the strongest as well. The “glasses” that we wear in that moment are so valuable because they remove all levels of daily filtering we normally do. The shaw the raw material behind our actions, thoughts, emotions. We see the naked reality, for what it is. There are sometimes no colours, just the bare bones. Tastes are removed from food, smells are dulled, interactions with people intensify and the tolerance for meaninglessness reaches a maximum. We stop noticing the sun, the clouds, the rain and the cold. Our heart is filled with the person that we have lost, what he means to us and eventually that turns around. We begin to look at ourselves, our life and to ask the hard questions.
Make no mistake, this period is an expensive opportunity, because its cost is someone else, its cost involves love and pain, such that cannot be matched in other ways. And what is it an opportunity for?
It is an opportunity, to ask ourselves about the meaning of our relationships with others; about where our daily focus lies; to clearly see and prune out the stuff that does not matter and to focus on what truly gives us purpose and meaning.
Wearing these glasses does not last forever, and as they say, time heals. But I offer a different perspective here, one where the passing away of our loved one is not simply a moment of emptiness and a lack of, but also a moment of profound clarity and an opportunity. Do not mistake my words, I am not saying that grief is to be avoided, but rather that these periods give us a different perspective of the world and we can choose what to do with it. It is an incredibly valuable time and sometimes life changing.
Recognise the “glasses” that you wear, notice the differences and appreciate the benefits and blindspots each bears. Embrace them all and wear them with the respect they deserve.